So. We made it through the goodbyes.  I chose, in my usual style, to avoid it as much as possible by sleeping up to moment they had to leave (it wasn't like 1:00pm or anything!  It was 9:00am) But Amy understands me....She knows my avoidance tactics and they work for us :)  She came in, told me goodbye, and I tried to simply ignore what was happening....I am the Master Avoider!

But...then...Who shows back up at my house an hour later?  Amy and her boys!

Their flights were ALL cancelled and rescheduled to the point that they leave TOMORROW morning (Thursday morning....) so.... with the way the luggage and cars worked out...She ended up back here for a few minutes.

We both knew the right thing was just to get apart again...It wasn't like we wanted to "hang out" more today.  Her departure had been looming for days...technically she was "gone"....so she decided to spend the time at her in-laws so we would not all have to do the goodbye thing again. It is to hard on the kids and it was pushing it for Amy to have to say goodbye to Aven TWICE in one morning....Stressful I tell ya!

 

So, essentially, my avoidance tactics did not work because she came back! ha But I appreciated that she allowed me to handle it via some avoidance!  It is just TOO hard to sit at the front door and hug and cry and hug and cry...too much.  Eesh.  Makes me nauceous just thinkin' about it.

So...Back to "real" life....

We have made some WONDERFUL memories over the last 6 weeks with my sis and her family. And we have some hopes of visiting them in March/April in a potentially...hopefully...crossing-fingers type of way.  It one of my motivating factors for kicking these anxiety issues in the butt and to the curb!

 

So what is "real life" these days?

It does involve alot of learning, healing, mending, cleaning, relaxing, and bonding.

It has involved ALOT of birthday planning too!  We have a bit of a reprieve from party planning..at least for a few weeks! 

We still have Tye and Aven's days to celebrate.....Tye wants a "Cowboy" birthday party...We were pretty excited that he was able to convey that to us. He actually told our sweet next door neighbor first..then us ;)  He's a crazy kiddo.

Life also involves continued searching for a nanny, mother's helper, au pair, whatever ya wanna call it.

I have definitely "seen the light" that I need help, especially with the medical issues I am battling.

The one great lead I had bombed big time when she came back and asked for an additional $12 an hour over our generous offer!  eesh.... We were put of a bit off by that so we are continuing our search.

Now, we are researching the "au pair" program. Not sure how I feel about someone living in our home 24/7 but this is the door that is opening right now so we will walk through it and see where God leads.  Several other doors have been shut ....

 

Isn't it interesting how symbolic doors shut? Right when you think you totally "get" where you are headed and then -boom- or even a quiet - shut - then life takes a different direction.

Jim and I seem to be searching for the open doors fervently. 

Sometimes we might even be standing inside the room that we just symbolically walked into but we don't even realize it because we are so busy looking for other open doors!  So weird.  Kinda confusing for us. But maybe that's just life.  Leading life while trying so hard to be in the right place, doing the right thing, on the right path....

Jim said it so astutely the other day, "There are so many right things to do!  How can one be right or wrong? Aren't they all right?"

We find ourselves thinking of all sorts of things that are "right" ....

*Feeding more time into Jim's work/ministry to free up parents for their kids.

*Focusing on my art career more and using it as an outlet for me and for my ministry.

*To do nothing new and just maintain status quo.

*To add to our family (no, not another pet...the 'other' kind of dependent!)

*To relocate to an area of great need and work in that need.

*To solely focus on helping our older boys find their areas of passion and giftedness. (pretty much already doing this)

*To focus oodles and oodles of attention on Tye's special needs. (pretty much already doing this)

*To stay here and maintain relationships and build new ones.

*To write a book on being a family living out of the envelope and luvin' it.

*Get onto a reality TV show and win millions.

To Do All Of The Above.  :)

All of these areas are "right" in a sense, ya know? How can helping a person in need be wrong?  How can adding a baby/child be wrong?  How can building better relationships be wrong?

Aaaahhh....but ...... we don't want 'just' what is "ok" ... We want to do what is stinkin' fantastic! 

Doesn't everyone? We all want that passion path for our lives.  I want it for Jim and I and I want it for each and every one of my kids....even Story, Yuri, and Demetry who are children that we pursued to adopt without success.

I know I am beating the same old drum here (NO! I'm not talking about my perfectionist tendencies that need tamed...:) this drum is this one:

The first "phase" of our marriage we felt strong, clear, not hard to see direction in regards to the "Grand Plan".  

Now?  Not So Much.  

It is drivin' us nuts!  

If we don't get an answer soon....I think we might just put all of our options on a piece of paper in a hat and see which one gets pulled out first!  (I 'might' just put the 'add another dependent' in the hat more than once...just sayin'...I mean...Fer Real...Show me a baby that was a bad choice!!  :)

The first "phase" of our married life didn't seem this confusing!  It was EASY! (okay, "easy" isn't the right word...we both think marriage is hard but the path seemed wide and bright)

Every two years or so God said "Baby!" or "Toddler!"  

We certainly were obedient to those commands!  And it was a BLAST!!! ('cept for the adoption paperwork and the homemade babies' colic!)

Walking around "Red Square" in Moscow, Russia with the cutest 14 month old of baby of a son who we had just totally fallen in love with even though we were babies ourselves! 

(I was 23, Mr. Ebay was 26)

Screaming on the phone to Jim that I was pregnant that first time so loud that he thought I was being injured and rushed home from work  :)   (No, we do not have fertility issues that we know off...I was just so incredibly excited I could not be coherent! 2 year old Chase was just as excited as his Momma but he had NO clue why :)

Experiencing that first "baby kick" of our "bonus baby" Zane....and painting my fingernails and toenails "blue" for a month leading up to Zane's due date because we were ALL boys all the time then!

Having Tye settle into my arms immediately upon meeting him at the Changchun, China Civil Service building.  Having Chase there to experience the amazement. Realizing on that trip what Tye had been living in and through and deciding to fight fiercely for him to get it all back.

Watching my husband hold his first baby daughter and turning into a different man in an instant. (dang that was an amazing moment...)

Sigh.

BUT WHAT IS NEXT??!

We'd be HAPPY with more of the same...IF that is the right answer.

Which leads us right back to the rhetorical question of "How can any of the above not be right?"

I'm exhausted after typing this!  Are you tired after reading it?!!!

I am THRILLED, though, that we have these options.  We are not battling any major health problems, we can sit for hours and talk about that next step, and that we both want the best for all of us....

 SO.

Got Any Ideas for Us?!!  Let Me Know!  Smile....

Luvs,

Andrea

I miss you Amy....praying for your safe travels continually

PS You can thank Trey and his new "Ninento DSi" birthday present for this crazy pictures :)

Sullenly Thrilled....

 

DANG.  Time is running out.  Amy and her boys are headed back to India Wednesday morning.  How is the world did 6 weeks go this quickly???

And, WHY, does God call His people to be in places so far from home?

We were sitting in church last week with some of our family...The Pastor was noting all of the missionaries that our church supports.

Both my sister and her family were sitting beside us and Jim's parents were sitting behind us are included in this list of 'supported missionaries'. It was fluke they were all there on one week...But, even more than that, it became so clear and obvious to Jim and I that, not only are many groups of our family 'called' to other areas to minister, but that WE, as Jim and Andrea - parents of 5, are now called to lead a life without alot of family nearby.  Sigh.

Does that position ever get notice or kudos from anyone?  Nope.

(Seriously, do not que the violin music...This are just my random thoughts from living out this type of life...)

Does the fact that our holidays are very hollow because valued members of our family cannot get home due to "ministry" obligations ever get recognized?  Not really.

Are we bitter?  Only occasionally :)  We understand that the world does NOT revolve around our needs and we can gladly give up valued time with family if it means they are following in God's leadings.

But...Right now...the rubber is hitting the road.

Amy and her boys are going home Wednesday morning.

 

All of the kiddos are going to be SO VERY SAD.  These cousins truly love each other and value the time together.  Not to mention that Jim and I LOVE having Amy and David involved in our family in a more initimate, daily way and vice versa....sigh.  

But, the answer is not bitterness or anger.  The answer is to be a big girl, take a deep breath, and make it through the "goodbye's" that are looming within our home.

But, it has to be "okay" to NOT want to say "goodbye".  I need my sister.  I need her encouragement.  I need her loyalty.  I need her input.  My kids need her spoiling.  I want to spoil her kids.  Our husbands miss relating on a daily basis.  Sigh.

 

Today was, again, full of "bitter sweet".  Amy and I had fun finishing off her list of "Must Take Back" items to India...Crazy stuff like regular size trash cans, metal cookie sheets, and fully cooked bacon made her GLEAM!   Sheesh...I need to be thrilled that easily!

You wanna know the CRAZIEST thing she got?  A frozen turkey for Thanksgiving and a Ham for Christmas!  She has it all figured out how to keep it cold during the plane ride...The girl is a mad-woman I tell ya!!!  :)

After shopping, we spent some time getting 'pampered'....something Amy does not have this done often enough while in India.  

 

However, we had a hard time relaxing because the beauty technician's wanted ALL the details of Amy's life, trip, and plans.

With ALL due respect to any and all missionaries, pastors. and clergy...Why does a person have to have a "label" before their name for people to be impressed or to ask deeper, spiritual questions?

I mean, come on, we have ALL met Pastors that have not lived up to the title of "Pastor" and we ALL know "lay people" whose lives should be a model for all others...Yet the "Pastor" often get the kudos, attention, and praise while the "lay person" gets...um...nothing?

Of course, I know we, as Christians, are not supposed to be jealous, envious, and nor should we covet what others have...But, I know SO many "lay persons" that do amazing things for Christ...and they are even able to do it without a title in front of their names! Gasp!

Okay...Stepping down from my soap box now...but it is a pet peeve of mine.  My husband works so smartly to help others free themselves financially, to give themselves more ownership of their own time, and to give them the means to make family a priority...But does anyone ever come close to acknowledging this ministry component of his "worldly" role?  Not that often.

So.  I guess it is what it is.  We can continue this way with no problems but it does make one feel that there is a sort of "caste" system inside the Christian religion, with Pastors at the top, down through Assoc. Pastors, then to Youth Pastors, on towards volunteer classroom teachers, into efforts of the janitor, and, THEN, sitting at the bottom of the system, the church attendees are put into their own, unescapable, caste system.  I find this so sad.

 

  

So, of course, we are going to miss The Dingman Family with broken hearts....but we must keep our eyes looking upward, ready for our reward! As they must do too....But just "saying" that we will all do this does NOT make it "easy"!

I would appreciate prayers for all of us as we pack Amy and boys up tomorrow, and have to let the little kiddos understand that this is their "last" day together for quite awhile.

Oh This Is Gonna Hurt.....Bad.

Bracing Myself, 

Andrea

(the pics below are of a small family reunion we had this weekend....Nah...We haven't been busy at all!  Just been sitting around watching the paint dry :)

 

No One Was Injured or Killed...So it was a successful bday party! snicker

Am I here? Is my brain on?  Where exactly AM I?!

You see, we had 10+ boys here for Chase & Trey's "AirSoft" birthday party...and...well...I can surely leave that up to your imagination!  Praises that no one got hurt....I mean I have "homeowner's insurance" and all but I REALLY REALLY REALLY did NOT want to have to make this call...

"Is this 9-1-1? Oh good!  Hello again!  It's Andrea Cockrum...Pardon Me?  Oh, Yes, Yes, we are that family with four boys. No, no one sipped "Windex" this time.  Boy that one was scary, huh?!  What's that your asking? Yes, we have tightened the rails on the bunkbed ... That was great info you game me after our last conversation!  Now, I know we will be talking more because we have a small trampoline in our backyard.  

Huh? Seriously?  Okay, I promise to watch them like a hawk!  BUT, the reason I am calling today is that we have alot of boys in our backyard with loaded "Air Soft" guns shooting at each other and one of the boys was hit in the ear.  I believe the pellet is lodged in his inner ear.  Now, can I use tweezers for that or do you want to come out? 

 Oh, I see...Okay!  I will see you in a few minutes!  Hey, don't forget to bring that new cookie recipe we talked about last time...Yes, I think that was the time I fell down our front porch steps! Oh I hear the sirens now...Okay then...You take care!  We'll talk soon I imagine!"

The worst injury was that Chase got pelted on the back of his neck by his loving brother, Trey. Boys will be Boys "they" say! ha (Especially THESE boys!)

But what about "Momma" being a "Momma"?

Sheesh...there's SO many reckless activities around these days!  Friday, for instance, my Father-In-Law took my husband, Chase, and Trey to an honest-to-goodness firing range!  My precious little babies SHOT things! H.E.L.P.  M.E.!  

Of course they had a blast....but I had several hours of whispered prayer while they were gone!

After they got home from shooting REAL guns, Zane and Trey had to dress up like little bunny rabbits for our Drama Club presentation! Talk about a paradox for those two!!

 

I feel successful in giving the boys fun parties.  It is worth it when I see them smiling and oozing giggles...It makes me feel proud that I am encouraging each boy in building relationships with peers their age....

However, did Jim, Chase, and Trey work like crazy monkeys cleaning up the house while I was running birthday errands?  Heck ya!

I am battling my perfectionism but I don't think I will conquer it in giant leaps...rather baby leaps?

But, at least I am giving it effort!  right?!! I didn't hear you, RIGHT?! hehe

(my battle with perfectionism is not centered around the cleanliness of my house per se....but around the cleanliness, openness, and grace that I hold in my heart..for myself and for others!)

I also learned, today, the importance of letting "boys be boys".  See, I TOTALLY do not understand this whole "Air Soft" gun thang.  But,  it was completely obvious that the birthday guests were dripping with necessary levels of that confusing thing called testerone! They all loved the "Air Soft" wars....They relished in getting "hit", they loved yelling "RETREAT! RETREAT!"  or "PUSH FORWARD! PUSH FORWARD!"  

This "boy" experience is, obviously, VERY necessary but it made me oh-so-glad I am not a single Momma.  Thank Goodness Jim "gets" it and was able to organize, set up rules, and oversee the party!  Meanwhile, I was assigned to the kitchen, snacks, and cleanup!  Fine by me!

It was a special day...Making happy memories for my kids simply FILLS my heart up to the point of exploding....to the point that it hurts....to the point that even the thousands of little red, white, and green plastic bee-bees in my backyard don't even bother me!

What a complete blessing to be a parent and to have the opportunity to bless your child!  It is simply priceless....

Enjoy your Sunday!

Andrea

Three kids birthday's down...Two to go!

(And here is an Aven-Feet picture cuz I thought ya'll might be going through withdrawal....No worries..they are still totally delicious and adorable :)

Pondering Perfectionism...again.

 

It has been just such a fulfilling week. However, last week was a complete bummer. I felt the walls creeping and at times and had a permanent saying running through my mind..."You are failing. You are a failure. You never get it all done."

I felt similar to that wooden statue pictured above..."I GIVE!!"  "TAKE ME AWAY!"  hehe

I know that's not God-speak.  I know I am created in His image and that just that mere fact makes me successful!  I really need nothing more than that...if I could just cut to the quick of myself and believe this. But, oftentimes, my "quick" is buried under layers and layers of my perceived societal expectations or under the kinda stupidly high expectations I impose on myself.

  

In my Post-Traumatic Therapy sessions, my fantastic therapist has honed in on the fact that I hold to high of expectations, which almost always results in me feeling like dimwhit failure.  

She has been testing my on my personality "truths". For example, I would say "I feel like a complete failure in homeschooling right now."  She would ask "Why?"  I would say, "Because I never got to mummy-ing a chicken while we studied Ancient Egypt.  And I do not make school as 'fun' as I could"

My therapist then responds, "Has anyone ever told you that you are failing in homeschool?"   "No" I reply.  "Have your kids said you are a boring teacher?"   "No" I say.

Then she asks, "So is feeling of this homeschool failure 'rational' or 'irrational'?"  I have to say "Irrational" because that is how the facts line up...but my heart still tells me it IS a 'rational' thought!  I am a bundle of two-sided coins I tell ya!

 

I struggled immensely with this area of thought last week.  It just seemed to be the week that I felt low-grade and confused.  Agreeing to hire a 'Mother's Helper/Nanny" fed this feeling of failure even though I KNOW that should be an irrational thought...dangit it still feels 'rational' to me!

  

I must conquer this pressure of perfectionism in myself.  Not only does it affect me, but it affects those around me.  I don't want them thinking I will always be disappointed. You see, my standards are so high, unrealistically high, that those around me, I think, oftentimes feel they fail me. Stink! That is SO unfair to my husband, kids, family, and friends.

Some of you have commented on my other "ugh I'm a perfectionist" fault. You have spinned it into a positive, which I greatly appreciated.  However, I know that I am still working through this in myself. Putting it out here in black and white makes me feel more acountable!

 

 

It surely seems that I have been 'honing' my character for a long season now...and within that 'honing' I have made massive mistakes.  Mistakes that "Perfectionist Andrea" has a hard time releasing herself from and accepting forgiveness. Oh  GREAT! Yet ANOTHER thing I get to be working on :)  

Lordy, Lordy, this refining fire never cools off or lets up, does it?!

 

 

So, here I sit pondering the next season of our life.  My expectations make this difficult.  I truly need to abide by this:

The day of small things shall not be despised (Zechariah 4:10), ...

and not only yearn for a season of giant events and moments...the 'small things' ARE or should be the the 'giant' and amazing' events'!  Takes alot of pressure off of oneself this way, doesn't it? As long as one can convince oneself that the small things are giant.

 

  

Even as 'stupid' as this sounds, I was nervous to have my sister and boys in my house for days on end...I mean, "really!", she will see just how 'a mess' we are, how old I look without makeup and cute outfits, and how much I run our day simply by the seat of my pants!

But.  After me questioning her about these things, she keep demanding that it is NOT as bad as I see it, that I am sorta 'off' for having these thoughts, and that if I don't break down these 'symbolic walls" around me then my perfectionism and high standards will only continue to expand, causing everyone problems.

Again, I feel I was rational when I thought of how she would perceive us, but the truth is that that is not a rational thought...there are no facts to back it up.

It feels like a violent circle that keeps got over the same points over and over but never having a place to stop and decide!

 

  

  

I think part of the reason I am battling this perfectionism-fault so intensely lately is that I had to straight-up deal with not being 'perfect' at the accident in Chicago.  In my mind, if I had been able to save Delisia, who was killed right beside me, then I would have handled that situation with excellence. But I, obviously, was not able to nor did I even have the time to try.  This made me feel like such a failure.  To compensate, I think I am uping the perfectionism tendencies...but that is SO wrong!

 

  

But, this week, has felt much more promising.  I have agreed to take some bricks off the "perfectionism wall" that I have built so tall by agreeing to have someone come into MY home and HELP ME!  I am still surprised at my willingness to do this...which means it must be God pushing me from behind.

This week, I had a head cat-scan!  I know that seems boring to most everyone, but to ME -the girl who is sure there's something the size of an orange growing in my brain thus the weird anxiety symptoms- it was VERY exciting to finally have answers to that question.

I had gone to the doctor Monday for a medicine check and I just flat out swallowed my pride and said, "I know this is STUPID. BUT! When an anxiety attacks hits me, I am SURE there's something horrible in my brain and that it is just mere moments before I die. IF I knew my brain was healthy, I think that would provide me a sense of confidence that I don't have now."  (Mercy I was so embarrassed asking for this...so odd.)

But, the doc said that since I have tinnitis (ringing in my right ear pretty much constantly - and related to the accident) then he could see the medical necessity of a head scan and he gladly scheduled me one for yesterday.

I was ready for the phone call, "Um. Mrs. Cockrum, can you come into the office asap? We need to discuss your results with you..." ha

But. NOPE! I got an "all clear"!!  AND it WAS CONFIRMED that I have a brain too :)

I feel so much more at ease just knowing that there's not worm or parasite growing in there, no aneurism waiting to burst, etc., that it has really brought my week up!!

 

So. All that being said...Last week was ROUGH but this week feels like I've taken several steps forward...I am still completely surprised that within a finger snap, my life, and those of my friends and everyone at that train station by China Town in Chicago, changed so dramatically and for so long.  I NEVER would have thought I would still be battling accident-related problems 18 mos after the fact...although what has also happened is that I got the 'accident' therapized and now the lid is off the bottle!  All the events and emotions I have 'stuffed' for the last so many years wants out now too...

But, that's all good.  Right?!  Right?  Right?

Have a wonderful Friday my friends....

Andrea..your resident perfectionist-in-therapy :]

 (it was a girl PJ party tonight :)

 

Birthday Party (check!) Nanny (check!) (and boy do I 'need' to talk!)

Well...It was QUITE a PAR-TAY if I may say so myself :)  It was Zane's FIRST ever "Solo" birthday party...

I SWEAR he asked over 2,000 times the day before his party "Mom, how many more minutes until my birthday party?",  "Mom, if we just skip church can we go right to my party?", "Mom, how high do I need to count before it's time for my party?" ......

It was cute the first 1, 346 time...the last 467 times it did get a smidge similar to having my fingernails pulled out one by one!

But oh the sweet memories that were created last weekend!  Zane's HUGGING almost every friend when they walked in the door....Zane smashing his face into his birthday cupcake "because he was dared too",  Zane smiling straight for two solid hours....sigh.  Heaven.

And I was VERY proud of Tye. He did not throw of fit or try to steal the spotlight.  That is a HUGE step forward for him....though he is now perusing every toy catalog that comes in the mail, sticking it in my face, and saying (of sorts) "I wun izz fer my burtfay".  ha

But, I need to hash out more than just Zane's birthday in this post.

I need to spill my thoughts out .... the new "nanny" /  "mother's helper"  /  "substitute teacher" ..... 

We have had several "on-line" interviews and two in-real-life.

One of them does stand out from the pack .....  She is more than I expected to find in a "mother's helper".

She is seriously passionate about educating. She supports the homeschooling lifestyle.  She loves working on projects with kids.  She loves seeing that "Eureka!" moment...

She has tons of experience, is with a nanny agency, provided references, criminal background check, everything!

And, get this!, she is bilingual!  English and Spanish!  She will be able tutor all of us as she Nanny's, helps with the house, and she even WANTS to be involved in homeschool projects to the point that I want her to be!  eh?!!  Is this really happening?

She will be here Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday....I see me taking the two older kids to my art studio at least once a week now and painting while they homeschool!  Dang that gives me goosebumps!

(I have done this before but it is always with Jim watching the kids left at home...this is WAY more relaxing for me because I know Jim is still getting to concentrate on his areas of passion and become more effective in his career with less daily interruptions)

I feel like this is an answer to prayer.  I feel like "Zam!  I am going to have a bit of life given back to me soon ... to pursue art....to go on more field trips without it being so much work, etc."

But.

My mind has questions.  

Silly questions.

"What if my kids enjoy her more than me?"

"What if she is more effective in homeschool than I am?"

"What if she makes me look lazy?!"

"What if it doesn't work and I hate it?"

"What if the kids LOVE the help but I hate it?"

"What if ....  What if..... What if ...... "

I know I just have to be still and wait it out. To give it time to find it's own groove.

I am thrilled with the areas she's passionate about...they dovetail SO nicely with the way we homeschool!  And I thought I was only going to get some help with laundry and watching Aven!

I feel blessed that this process is happening....I feel a bit miserable because I need the help....I feel interested as this is going to greatly affect how my days look!

I feel timid letting someone into our lives in such an intimate way...She will see me at my worst and best....She will see me fail and thrive....sigh.

It is so daggone hard being truly transparent.

What I really want to do is wake up hours before she will get here, clean up the house, get all pretty, and open the door with the smell of fresh baked cookies wafting through the house....

What I NEED to do is release the pressure I am putting on myself,  let her see the real "Andrea" in all her glory and dirt, allow her to do her job around the house without doing it for her, and letting myself enjoy the help she has to offer instead of feeling insulted.

Me thinks that last paragraph is MUCH easier to TYPE out than to LIVE out...but I am going to try!

Blessings my blog friends....I appreciate each and every one of you .....

Andrea

Chase Lee is 13!

He use to spin around our kitchen on roller skates...Now he's spinnin' around an empty parking lot in our Audi :)

(Dad took Chase 'driving' in a local parking lot on Chase's 13th bday...a right of passage of sorts?!)

I am, truly, clueless as to how this CHILD is already 13 years old.  How did this happen? Where did time go? Will the next 13 years go this quick?!!!  

I feel the need to audit our last 13 years....seeing this TEEN walking around!  Have we done our best for him so far? Have we served him well?  Is he happy? Will he have good memories?  Is he a good person? Is he kind? Generous? Empathetic? Trust Worthy? Most importantly,  is he Christ-Centered?  

I am noticing that I am not asking my parenting-self "Is he on grade-level for Math?", "Did he ace his last Science test?", "Is he popular?", "Is he a starter on his basketball team?"....

Interesting.

Society puts SO MUCH pressure on parents in regards to "grades", "educational achievements", "sport achievements" .... 

and, surely, these play into a Teen's personality.....

But, how can his Science grade be more important than his Trust-Worthiness?

My Chase is a good example of this type of thinking...

Maybe he doesn't have the highest Math grade, but does he have more empathy in his pinky finger than I do in my left leg?  Yep!

Does he exhibit an effort to keep Christ-Centered in his heart?  Thank Heavens Yes :)

Has he scored a winning shot in a game of any kind?  Not that I recall.  (Jim may have different recollections....haha)

Is Chase years ahead in Mathematics?  Nope.

Is he ahead in realizing the world is a huge place and he has a duty to impact it positively?! I think so.

So...the next few paragraphs are for my Chase....to be read who-knows-when (heck, this whole blog is really for my kids....to show them my human-ness, love, and memories in the future when I might  not be able too...) .....

Chase, you are an answer to prayer.  

You brought more into our family than we ever could have imagined....Your Dad and I had no idea the blessings that being a parent would bring us....

We are amazingly better people because of you.  We are better people and better Christians.

You have, always, from the first instant we met you, had an inner-sunshine that cannot be squashed.  This 'sunshine' is enviable.  It does not leave you.  It is a priceless component of you that is one of my most favorite pieces .....  

I remember looking 'forward' to so many things with you....Your 'first' things like your first day of school, your first haircut, your first bicycle, your first zit (smile) ....

So many of these things have happened already....I guess I'd better start looking forward to your 'seconds'!!  Dang it went fast!!  But, wow, has it been FUN!

We are immensely proud of you, our Chaser-Bean.... 

We 'get' that being a new teenager isn't the easiest of endeavors...We 'sorta' remember :)  But you are handling it with courage, and effort, and lots of questions...as is oh-so usual of you and a new 'thing'.

We would like to ask you, though, to -somehow- SLOW IT ALL DOWN!

I mean, sure, I am looking forward to your first car and your wedding and all ... but it doesn't have to seem like it all has happened within the last week!

You are our treasure.....

Love Forever... 

"Us"

A Costumed Night...No Words Necessary :)

 

 

And tomorrow.....

A "Birthday Ode" to my newly-minted 13 yr old son .... How in the WORLD is he 13?  I mean, truly, how?!

Andrea....

PS Did Jim and I "look" like "Don & Betty Draper"?  (a 1950's TV couple...:)

My (twin) Sis and I are having a 16 day-long sleepover!

Yep!  We are!

Of course...

there are some annoying real-life things we still have to accomplish these 16 days like feeding our kids, schooling, and general hygiene (giggle) but....This will be the longest sleepover eva!  

(Her hubby is back in India for His Work but Amy and the boys are staying two more weeks ... at our house :) 

It is bittersweet to see her boys and my boys having SO much fun together...

Sweet because they would all be best friends even if they weren't cousins!

Bitter because my nephews will, in 16 days, be headed back to India...Even though we all know that my sister's family 'should' be in India doing their "gig"...it doesn't mean we don't miss them like crazy cakes....

So many things in life seem bittersweet, don't they?

I immediately think of children growing older.

Their progression is a miraculous thing to watch but bitter because it means they are no longer "my baby"!!

Seeing amazing geography while on vacation is sweet,  stunning, and breath-taking but a smidge bitter because you know you won't be seeing anything like again for quite awhile!

Moving to a new city....Sweet because it's exciting and adventurous but bitter because it can be lonely and scary.

Even Halloween costumes are coming to mind under the idea of "bittersweet"!

Costumes are 'sweet' because it is interesting to be someone "different" .... Bitter because sometimes you feel uber-stupid in the costume! ha

Speaking of Halloween costumes,  Jim and I are going to a Junior Arthritis Fundraiser called "The BoneBash"tomorrow night!  Yay!  A Party!  Adults!  Conversation!  Adults!  Conversation! Adults! ..... get it?

We are dressing up as "The Perverbially Perfect 1950's Couple" (a la Don & Betty Draper from the sitcom "Mad Men")... I have hunted, scrounged, and canvassed for our costumes and it has paid off (I think)!

Pictures are PROMISED!  

Jim in a fedora, vintage suit, and vintage overcoat!  Me in a bouncy 50's-inspired dress, vintage 1950's hat, 1950's jewelry, and rockin' shoes!  We are definitely going to look "Sweet" or "Bitter"! smile

Another bittersweet thing?

Going to a ritzy tattoo parlor (is that an oxymoron or what!) and not leaving with a new tat!

Well..I knew it would be sweet and bitter because it was just a "consultation"...but...(grin)

I have never "consulted" with a tat artist before getting a tat...at least not more than a preliminary conversation before the needle turns on and the ink starts flowin'!  So, this was a new experience!  I liked it! That actual tat will be applied, after she submits a few sketches to me, in early December....

Even searching for a Nanny (see previous post) seems bittersweet...

Sweet that we will have help....Bitter because I am still wishing I could pull it off by myself! 

BitterSweet....Life is full of it.

Andrea 

 

This painting is by one of new favorite pre-modern painters.."Kandisky"....He was Russian AND Abstract! I luv all things "Russian" and "Abstract"!