So. We made it through the goodbyes. I chose, in my usual style, to avoid it as much as possible by sleeping up to moment they had to leave (it wasn't like 1:00pm or anything! It was 9:00am) But Amy understands me....She knows my avoidance tactics and they work for us :) She came in, told me goodbye, and I tried to simply ignore what was happening....I am the Master Avoider!
But...then...Who shows back up at my house an hour later? Amy and her boys!
Their flights were ALL cancelled and rescheduled to the point that they leave TOMORROW morning (Thursday morning....) so.... with the way the luggage and cars worked out...She ended up back here for a few minutes.
We both knew the right thing was just to get apart again...It wasn't like we wanted to "hang out" more today. Her departure had been looming for days...technically she was "gone"....so she decided to spend the time at her in-laws so we would not all have to do the goodbye thing again. It is to hard on the kids and it was pushing it for Amy to have to say goodbye to Aven TWICE in one morning....Stressful I tell ya!
So, essentially, my avoidance tactics did not work because she came back! ha But I appreciated that she allowed me to handle it via some avoidance! It is just TOO hard to sit at the front door and hug and cry and hug and cry...too much. Eesh. Makes me nauceous just thinkin' about it.
So...Back to "real" life....
We have made some WONDERFUL memories over the last 6 weeks with my sis and her family. And we have some hopes of visiting them in March/April in a potentially...hopefully...crossing-fingers type of way. It one of my motivating factors for kicking these anxiety issues in the butt and to the curb!
So what is "real life" these days?
It does involve alot of learning, healing, mending, cleaning, relaxing, and bonding.
It has involved ALOT of birthday planning too! We have a bit of a reprieve from party planning..at least for a few weeks!
We still have Tye and Aven's days to celebrate.....Tye wants a "Cowboy" birthday party...We were pretty excited that he was able to convey that to us. He actually told our sweet next door neighbor first..then us ;) He's a crazy kiddo.
Life also involves continued searching for a nanny, mother's helper, au pair, whatever ya wanna call it.
I have definitely "seen the light" that I need help, especially with the medical issues I am battling.
The one great lead I had bombed big time when she came back and asked for an additional $12 an hour over our generous offer! eesh.... We were put of a bit off by that so we are continuing our search.
Now, we are researching the "au pair" program. Not sure how I feel about someone living in our home 24/7 but this is the door that is opening right now so we will walk through it and see where God leads. Several other doors have been shut ....
Isn't it interesting how symbolic doors shut? Right when you think you totally "get" where you are headed and then -boom- or even a quiet - shut - then life takes a different direction.
Jim and I seem to be searching for the open doors fervently.
Sometimes we might even be standing inside the room that we just symbolically walked into but we don't even realize it because we are so busy looking for other open doors! So weird. Kinda confusing for us. But maybe that's just life. Leading life while trying so hard to be in the right place, doing the right thing, on the right path....
Jim said it so astutely the other day, "There are so many right things to do! How can one be right or wrong? Aren't they all right?"
We find ourselves thinking of all sorts of things that are "right" ....
*Feeding more time into Jim's work/ministry to free up parents for their kids.
*Focusing on my art career more and using it as an outlet for me and for my ministry.
*To do nothing new and just maintain status quo.
*To add to our family (no, not another pet...the 'other' kind of dependent!)
*To relocate to an area of great need and work in that need.
*To solely focus on helping our older boys find their areas of passion and giftedness. (pretty much already doing this)
*To focus oodles and oodles of attention on Tye's special needs. (pretty much already doing this)
*To stay here and maintain relationships and build new ones.
*To write a book on being a family living out of the envelope and luvin' it.
*Get onto a reality TV show and win millions.
To Do All Of The Above. :)
All of these areas are "right" in a sense, ya know? How can helping a person in need be wrong? How can adding a baby/child be wrong? How can building better relationships be wrong?
Aaaahhh....but ...... we don't want 'just' what is "ok" ... We want to do what is stinkin' fantastic!
Doesn't everyone? We all want that passion path for our lives. I want it for Jim and I and I want it for each and every one of my kids....even Story, Yuri, and Demetry who are children that we pursued to adopt without success.
I know I am beating the same old drum here (NO! I'm not talking about my perfectionist tendencies that need tamed...:) this drum is this one:
The first "phase" of our marriage we felt strong, clear, not hard to see direction in regards to the "Grand Plan".
Now? Not So Much.
It is drivin' us nuts!
If we don't get an answer soon....I think we might just put all of our options on a piece of paper in a hat and see which one gets pulled out first! (I 'might' just put the 'add another dependent' in the hat more than once...just sayin'...I mean...Fer Real...Show me a baby that was a bad choice!! :)
The first "phase" of our married life didn't seem this confusing! It was EASY! (okay, "easy" isn't the right word...we both think marriage is hard but the path seemed wide and bright)
Every two years or so God said "Baby!" or "Toddler!"
We certainly were obedient to those commands! And it was a BLAST!!! ('cept for the adoption paperwork and the homemade babies' colic!)
Walking around "Red Square" in Moscow, Russia with the cutest 14 month old of baby of a son who we had just totally fallen in love with even though we were babies ourselves!
(I was 23, Mr. Ebay was 26)
Screaming on the phone to Jim that I was pregnant that first time so loud that he thought I was being injured and rushed home from work :) (No, we do not have fertility issues that we know off...I was just so incredibly excited I could not be coherent! 2 year old Chase was just as excited as his Momma but he had NO clue why :)
Experiencing that first "baby kick" of our "bonus baby" Zane....and painting my fingernails and toenails "blue" for a month leading up to Zane's due date because we were ALL boys all the time then!
Having Tye settle into my arms immediately upon meeting him at the Changchun, China Civil Service building. Having Chase there to experience the amazement. Realizing on that trip what Tye had been living in and through and deciding to fight fiercely for him to get it all back.
Watching my husband hold his first baby daughter and turning into a different man in an instant. (dang that was an amazing moment...)
Sigh.
BUT WHAT IS NEXT??!
We'd be HAPPY with more of the same...IF that is the right answer.
Which leads us right back to the rhetorical question of "How can any of the above not be right?"
I'm exhausted after typing this! Are you tired after reading it?!!!
I am THRILLED, though, that we have these options. We are not battling any major health problems, we can sit for hours and talk about that next step, and that we both want the best for all of us....
SO.
Got Any Ideas for Us?!! Let Me Know! Smile....
Luvs,
Andrea
I miss you Amy....praying for your safe travels continually
PS You can thank Trey and his new "Ninento DSi" birthday present for this crazy pictures :)









































